Jesus Allows Us to Feel What We Need to

I’m going to tell you a fun little anecdote that happened to me this year during a retreat. Since it was a Catholic retreat, at night, before bed, there was Adoration. It was beautiful and peaceful until my nose felt as if someone had turned on the faucet. I frantically looked through my pockets to find absolutely, positively nothing. Not even a ball of lint. So, here you have me being all annoyed, doing the sign of the cross, leaving the chapel awkwardly while everyone else was still in deep prayer, and running to my room to get tissues.

So, the room was super dark and super creepy. Now, I was even more annoyed because not only did I leave the chapel, I also had to realize that I was a chicken that didn’t want to cross the room to the bathroom alone. Whatever, I ran to the bathroom and ran out of the room as fast as humanly possible (which is not particularly fast for me). I closed the door, and I headed back to the chapel. As I was heading back, I found one of my friends crying. I don’t know what got over me, but I embraced them. Suddenly, I started saying, “You are loved. You are important. God has a plan for you. He hasn’t forgotten about you. He knows what you need”. It was random, yes, but somehow my own words started bringing me comfort, because I believed it. My friend smiled and decided to stay back as I headed back to the chapel.

So, before I continue with the story, I need you to really use your imagination. Imagine the chapel. It is small. There are beautiful paintings on either side of the altar. Behind the altar, there is a painting of Jesus after the Resurrection wearing a white garment. His arms are open. His face is as peaceful as it is beautiful. The more you stared at Him, the more He stared at you, except He didn’t stare. He contemplated you. Just by His gaze you felt like the most important person in the room. The air was cold, but you feel at ease. The air smells like the forest and the night sky outside the chapel.

That’s where I was. I felt peaceful as I knelt before the Blessed Sacrament, until I started to feel a weight on my shoulders and my back and my head causing me to bend down to the ground. Somehow, I felt relieved. I started to cry like I hadn’t cried in a while. I could feel the tunic of Jesus in my hands, and though I knew it was my imagination, it was almost palpable. I saw the Jesus of the painting before me, and there was no one else in the room. Suddenly, I felt as if Mary knelt down next to me and put her hands around me. There was silence. There was nothing, and Jesus didn’t kneel down to pick me up.

Then, I felt that Our Lady let go of me and said, “It’s time for dinner”. I opened my eyes, and I saw that what I had felt as Our Lady was actually one of my friends kneeling next to me and holding me. Jesus was no longer directly in front of me. Instead, He was back on the Tabernacle, and His image was back on the wall. After the retreat was over and I had shared my testimony, my friend who was kneeling next to me said, “I usually wouldn’t have done that. Some people don’t like it. However, I can tell you that I felt Our Lady telling me to go for it”.

Here’s why I’m sharing this. Jesus has such a wonderful sense of humor. If I hadn’t had a spontaneous and extreme runny nose, I wouldn’t have run to my room. If I hadn’t run to my room, I wouldn’t have found my friend. If I hadn’t found my friend, God wouldn’t have inspired me with words of comfort for someone else that I really needed to hear myself. If I hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t have been as sensitive when I came back to the chapel. Again, if I hadn’t run back for tissues, I wouldn’t have had a tissue when this was all over.

I do have an overactive imagination. It happens. However, I know that God is willing and able to do just about anything to make us feel loved. So, you might be wondering if that was Jesus comforting me in my imagination, why didn’t He pick me up in my imagination? I’m glad you asked. Jesus, you see, is a gentleman. He allows us to feel what we need to feel. He doesn’t hurry us or try to change us. He doesn’t love us any more or any less depending on our feelings. If you are feeling discouraged, sad, angry, frustrated, or anything that doesn’t feel quite appropriate towards God, know you are being human and that’s okay.

So, here’s my invitation. Go to the chapel, look at Jesus, and feel what you need to feel. Even anger is an act of trust, but more on that later. God bless!