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Peeking out through the window, I discovered a world covered in white blankets of snow, leaving the impression of a beautiful winter wonderland. I felt a brush of cool air and started to shiver. A distinct chill lingered throughout the house. Guess I better grab an extra jacket.
Looking outside, the little romantic in me felt overtaken by the lovely change of scenery. Within a matter of minutes of stepping out into 15-degree ice-cold weather, that feeling faded, and it faded fast. Around 2:00 am that morning, we had lost power which meant that we had ZERO heat circling through our house. What the heck was I doing outside trying to play in the snow when I had nowhere warm to go? Immediately, I ran back inside our igloo house, wrapping myself in jackets, coats, cardigans, and sweaters in hopes of preserving my warmth. What more could I do but bundle up and try to stay as warm as possible?
In this cold, dark house, I fruitlessly tried every means of distraction while fearing any movement as a potential threat to the little heat I could conserve. I did not want to do anything but sit around in my 5 layers of clothing, trying to stay comfortable. I consented to the lures of apathy by allowing myself to waste time. My professors canceled class, so in response, I glued my eyes to the screen in avoidance of confronting reality. Texting friends, scrolling through media, watching YouTube, searching for memes, reading books, and calling friends – you name it, I was doing it! I tried to disassociate myself from the present moment by blocking the pain I felt from entering my mind. I found myself desperately trying to avoid and numb the misery which actually resulted in greater suffering.
During that first day of no power, I sat around complaining and letting myself feel frustration at all the struggles, inconveniences, and lack of X, Y, and Z that my selfish 21st-century heart couldn’t live without. No Wi-Fi, no power, no heat, no warm water, no lights. What on earth could I possibly do, but sit around and wait for things to go back to normal? On the second day, after 12 long hours of hopeful waiting that the heat had returned, I finally managed to crawl out from under my pile of blankets. I did NOT want to get out of bed with it being so darn cold in the house. No, the heat did not return, but I found that I felt more frustrated in being deprived of things I knew I wanted and needed to do rather than the cold itself.
In his book Interior Freedom, Father Jacques Phillippe writes that the worst kind of suffering is the suffering we refuse to accept. Often, we create greater sufferings for ourselves when we direct all of our efforts to try to avoid suffering. By sitting in a bundle of blankets, not wanting to move, I was actually creating more distress for myself. Not only was I cold, but I was confined to this self-imposed belief that all I could do was sit there and stay warm. It was as though I had slipped myself into shackles through my own thoughts, each symbolically chaining me to inactivity and comfort. How could I live, how could I move, if I was restrained by my own thoughts? How could I be free if I was locked inside my house by the cold or how could I do anything if I believed I couldn’t do anything? When we consent to suffering and accepting things as they are, we allow ourselves to carry our Crosses as Christ once did for us.
So, what did I do? Well, I got out of bed!
I made it a goal to wash the dishes by hand- even if it was 40 degrees Fahrenheit in my house. I had to accept what I could not change for me to change what was right in front of me. At that moment, it was a pile of dirty dishes. We had a gas stove, so I started boiling water- one for clean water and one for soapy water and got down to scrubbing. I had a system DOWN cranking through these dishes like nobody’s business! I found that as I worked, my body temperature started to warm up and I felt less and less cold. I began taking each layer of clothing off one-by-one until finally, I stood wearing a typical layer of clothes. Mind you, this all happened in a 40-degree Fahrenheit house- with no heat! I.N.C.R.E.D.I.B.L.E.
Trying to avoid the suffering actually made the suffering worse- but entering into the suffering- letting myself embrace the mess of the situation felt less like suffering and more like living. I wasn’t confined to the couch. I wasn’t restricted to my room or my bundles upon bundles of blankets. I wasn’t limited to the cold, dark house. I remained free to move, free to change, free to act.
After 36 hours of darkness, the power returned. Unfortunately, during this time, my family found a pipe that had burst so we were forced to shut off the water. This meant no showers, no sink, no washing hands, no drinking water, and no toilet flushing. Oh boy. Here we go again. Another reality, another suffering, another Cross to accept. Yet softly, I heard the words,
“My grace is sufficient for You- for my power is made perfect in weakness.” -2 Corinthians 12:9
Okay, Jesus, I hear you…. I hear you, but…. my gaze drifted outside again.
God always provides. Maybe not in the way we expect, but He provides.
I saw blankets and sheets hovering over our plants to keep them warm covered in soft layers of fresh, white-powered snow. The gears started churning in my head as my mind pieced together numerous possibilities. I ran to the garage and snatched up a bucket and began piling up snow, pouring it, scraping it all into pots and pans for melting. It was EXACTLY what we needed, just not in the way we expected. As I shook off the snow into the buckets, I felt like the Israelite people collecting manna, their “daily bread”, in the desert- except in about 3,400 years later with snow! God’s message echoed out loud and clear. I promise you; I’m not kidding. As I started melting this giant bucket of snow over my stove, started playing music through my phone. The song “Your Grace is Enough” by Matt Maher began singing through my phone. (P.S. if you haven’t heard of it, look it up!) Yes, Lord, I laughed. Your Grace is enough! Your Grace is sufficient. You always know exactly what I need!
Looking back, was there ever a time that I was ever without what was needed for the present moment? Sure, there was a time when we did not have power, but we had firewood. We had blankets. We had a home. Sure, there was a time when we were in total darkness, but we had candles, we had flashlights, and we had a gas stove. We made do with what we had, but we could not forget that what we had already been given, was ENOUGH because everything came forth from His Hands.
God knew this. He knew that even with the water cut-off, He was still going to provide by leaving a fresh blanket of snow for us to melt. Just like He did in Exodus providing the Israelite people with manna to collect from the ground. I felt overwhelmed by the power of His Grace and the truth of accepting things as they are for what they are. It was as though the Lord gave us a little share in His Cross, in order for us to share in His Resurrection.
As we continue to prepare our hearts during this Lenten season, let us embrace our Crosses as they truly are. Not avoiding whatever uncomfortable circumstance or suffering we may have to experience along with it but to accept our Crosses fully, knowing that by His Holy Cross- He has redeemed the world- and so too our hearts! Let us plead for the Grace to carry out all that He has asked of us with total confidence that He will provide.
Lord, may you grant us the Grace, to embrace the Cross of our hearts as You did on Calvary so that we may be brought more fully into the joy of Your Resurrection.
