7 Things to Consider While Discerning

I can honestly say that I have always wanted a boyfriend. Here’s the thing, even when I was discerning my vocation, my “boyfriend” was Jesus. True story. I, like many others, wanted to feel loved, taken care of, wanted. Also, I, like many others, cared about that way more than I cared about actually preparing myself for my future husband. At the beginning of last year, something got into me, and I decided I wanted to pray for my husband, not a boyfriend. I took a notepad I had on my wall, and I divided it into two parts: prayer requests and answered prayers. Then, in big bold letters, I wrote: “I want to meet my husband”. Three weeks later, I met my fiancé.

How? By the grace of God. However, here are some things that helped.

Get to know Jesus (Let Yourself be Wooed) Listen, getting married and being called to be a nun or priest a consecrated woman or man or a single person is all wonderful. However, sometimes we want to skip to the end and answer questions that aren’t being asked yet. Get to know Jesus as your creator, as your friend. There’s no better way to know who you are meant to be than by getting to know who thought you up in the first place. Let Him love you without asking any questions. Just be held.

Trust God, Entrust Yourself to Our Lady– Look, I get it, trusting God (who sometimes appears to be quiet while we are always talking) can be really hard. However, He knows what He is doing. He created our hearts, so He knows them WAY better than we do. While you trust Him, ask Our Lady to teach you to say yes to whatever God has planned for you. You are in good hands. God is WAY more creative than you. I promise.

Don’t Rely on a Timeline – I am so guilty of this. I thought okay if so and so prayed for three months then I have to pray for three months and then I’ll find someone. It doesn’t work like that, but it’s okay! Our God isn’t limited by time or space which makes for really cool love stories (more on that in later articles).

Pray for a Vocation, Not a Pastime– Any vocation, marriage, religious, or single life, is a LIFE-TIME COMMITMENT. So, if you’re praying for a pastime (mainly a boyfriend or a girlfriend) you just aren’t ready yet. ( It took me 23 years to understand this). Pray for your future spouse and pray that you become a better spouse. Think long term. Heaven and hell are super long term, just saying.

Pray for the Fruits of the Spirit for your Heart– Through all of these, of course, work on yourself. See what is in your heart. What does your heart desire? What does it long for? Jesus put desires in your heart for a reason, and if you don’t work on yourself and your heart, how are you supposed to know what He wants and has thought of for you?

Discern Your Vocation– So, my mistake here was discerning before I was ready. I wanted answers because I was scared they might not be the ones I wanted. So, to learn from my mistakes, I’ll tell you this: DON’T DISCERN ACTIVELY UNTIL YOU ARE CALLED TO ACTIVELY DISCERN. In other words, don’t let discerning your vocation become an obsession. We’ll always have a question in our hearts of what we are called to, however, if trying to answer this question is taking you away from your family, friends, school work, work, social life, and is a great source of anxiety, go back to step one. Jesus is never EVER going to give you a full-on anxiety attack. Yes, sometimes He tugs at our hearts to pull us in the right path but never is He ever going to mess with us. Remember, He is a gentleman.

Pray for Confirmation, Not Signs– I was a big “signs” person. I looked for flowers and butterflies and specific songs instead of looking in my heart or his or HIS. (Future spouse and God consecutively in case you were confused). However, signs confuse, but God confirms. When something comes from God, He could send you a sign, maybe, I mean He is God. He can do whatever He wants. The thing though, is that GOD CONFIRMS. He gives us peace or discomfort in our hearts depending on what the situation is. We can hear him in what our loved ones say, in our reflections, in our prayers, in our thoughts. Yes, my story with Joe is filled with signs, but multiple signs pointing to one thing is confirmation. Mother Superior said to me, “You don’t want to suddenly wake up after 25 years of marriage and realized you got married because a yellow flower was the right place at the wrong time.” God is not a deceiving God. Trust Him.

This isn’t a foolproof way to find a spouse. However, it’s a simple path to exercise trust in God. Believe me, He’ll take care of the rest.