To A New Year

To a new year,

A new year is upon us, and for the first time in years, my first thought wasn’t, “oh my, what resolution will I break this year?”

After watching an inspirational (probably five year old) girl talking about making many small New Year’s resolutions instead of one huge one, I realized that life is too complex, too beautiful, too hard, and too vague to fix it with just one statement. Part of me wishes we were genies that could grant our own wishes on New Year’s Day. “I am going to exercise every single day this year” and then BOOM! We are compelled to always exercise because it was our New Year’s resolution. However, the best part of completing something we set up for ourselves is the sense of accomplishment due to the effort we put in.

So no, this year I will not promise the universe that I will be a new me. Honestly, I can’t say I completely know who I am or meant to be enough to form a completely different new me. This year I will figure out “me”. I won’t say one New Year’s resolution that I intend to keep. On the other hand, I will state a million habits that I intend to break. I won’t try to change, I won’t try to manipulate myself to fit to society’s standards. I won’t have the emotional filter that society wants us to learn to have. If I want to compliment someone, I will. If something is bothering me, I will speak up. If something is hurting me, I won’t wait for someone else to fix me. I’m done apologizing for being emotional, or different, or unique. Why should I?

This year, I won’t let anything else beside myself define me. My grades won’t tell people who I am. My accomplishments won’t tell people who I am. My troubles and hardships won’t tell people who I am.

This year, I am done trying to figure out who I am by myself. I will turn to the only one who knows exactly the best version of me, and He loves me completely. I will stop hiding away from His plan because I’ve done that enough to know that it only ends badly.

So this is for all of you who know they aren’t being who they are meant to be. This is for everyone who feels that people don’t understand who they are. This is for all who pretend to be something they are not because they feel they will be loved more that way.

I love you. I don’t know you, I know, but I do. This year, I will let down my walls and do the only thing I’ve always thought everyone deserves, love. In case you need to hear it, I love who you are, not who you are trying to be. I see you behind your mask. I know you are hiding in there. I know you can achieve great things. God didn’t ever set anyone up for failure, but if we don’t trust Him, it might feel as if He did. Know that at least one person out there is cheering for the real you to be shown to the world. This year, don’t be a new you. Be the old you. Not the mistake-burdened mess of a person old, but the authentic kind of old. The kind of old you, you were always meant to be.

With Mary in Christ,

Someone who always had trouble keeping New Year’s resolutions