Limitless Love Respects Limits

If you are anything like me, then at some point in your life you honestly thought you were allergic to the word “No” or the words “You have to do this” or “I know better, I am your mother”. Yes, I could tell you specific and embarrassing instances where I felt as if my world was deteriorating when I heard those words, but I will dwell in the past no further. Instead, I think it’s time to speak truth about limits. Limits ultimately, as hard as it is to hear, are love.

Limits are love? I can almost feel fifteen year old me stare at my 23-year-old self with threatening glances as I write this article. Yes, limits are love. Look, Edward Sri, (if you don’t know who he is make a note and look him up) said it. When we talk about limits we have to point out that limits are love. For example, if your fragile-barely-out-of-the-womb-but-feels-untouchable-child wants to climb a tree you know if he climbs he will probably break something, you wouldn’t let him climb it. Honestly, the child might say, “Oh dad” (or mom, whoever it was that caught the small fragile child trying to climb the tree) “you obviously don’t want me to climb the tree because you don’t believe in me. You probably hate me”. Now, put yourself in the shoes of the parent. Did you tell the kid he couldn’t climb the tree because you hate him? No, you’d probably hate for him to break his leg and suffer, but that’s the most hate there is in your mind. Did you do it because you don’t believe in him? No, you probably did it because you don’t believe, nay, you know he can’t fly. It’s not personal. You know better. But you said no because you love him.

So, that’s easy to understand, but when limits are placed on us we suddenly seem so incapable of comprehending them. We view limits as restricting and hateful. Take the 10 Commandments for example. If we really, really understood that they were there for our well-being and because God loves us, we would have no problem never sinning. However, we don’t fully understand it. We sometimes think we know better, and we fall. The beauty is that just as the father, or mother, that told the child “no” to climbing the tree would pick up the kid if he climbed the tree anyways and, God comes after us when we fall as well.

Now, what I am going to say next isn’t a fool proof way to make saints, but I’m going to be bold and say that it is definitely a step in the right direction. Limits are love because they train our “no” to say a bigger “yes”. So, you say “no” to climbing the tree because you want to say “yes” to being alive and safe and not broken. You say “no” to lies and gossip because you say “yes” to truth and building people up. You say “no” to lust because you want to give an enormous “yes” to true love. You see, limits are there because there is love. Limits are there because by saying no to something small, you’re saying yes to something much greater.

So, what would happen if there were no limits? There would be tolerance, but there really wouldn’t, there couldn’t be love. At least not true, fruitful, total, faithful love. “Sure kid, climb the tree because I want you to not hate me even though I know you will fall and you will hurt yourself and you will be upset and it will be my fault, but at least you won’t be mad at me“. If you were a parent friend and you saw that parent say that to that kid you wouldn’t casually shrug and say, “Well, it is his/her kid”. NO! And if you would, you need to reconsider your priorities because you would have allowed a kid to break his leg or arm or ribs, you awful, awful person. You would tell the parent, “Your kid is going to get hurt! Do something!”

So, you see, tolerance isn’t love. Tolerance is looking for comfort, avoiding conflict, looking for the easy way. Love is dying to yourself to get the greatest good for the other. Love is a parent thinking “Yes, I’d rather you be mad at me now than you getting hurt. Yes, I’d rather you think I am awful so you are safe and happy in a little”. Love is a young man saying “no” to pornography because he wants to give a full, truthful, unique “yes” to his wife. So, if parents and boyfriends, limited human beings have the capability of love think of God. God, unlimited, all powerful, all knowing, don’t you think He knows what would happen if we didn’t have limits? God puts limits because He loves us with no limits. Even further, God is unmovable. Sure, a parent not letting their kid die by falling from a tree might make them a better parent, but you not sinning isn’t going to make God a better God. Something that shook me is that a priest once told me during confession, “There is nothing you can do for God to love you more”, and it hit me. Those limits aren’t for Him one bit. Those limits are actually the reason so many people are skeptical about religion, but it is exactly through those limits that God calls out, “I love you. I love you so much I sent my Son to die, so He could teach you how to love. Say “no” to limited worldly comfort. Say “yes” to being with me forever”.

So, once again I invite you to leave a comment. Leave a comment about a “no” you said so you could say a bigger “yes”. If you don’t do it for yourself, leave it so someone else might realize that there is a “yes” waiting for them to say it. If you are in a relationship, and you are weighed down about the limits of what you can or can’t do with a significant other, or if you are looking for God and you are worried about the limits, or if you are discerning religious life and you are worried about the “no”s you’ll have to give, I invite you to pray. I once was allergic to “no”, but now, I have never been more focused on the “yes”.