Mama Mary

Mary has been a constant presence and mother in my life. My love of her started in second grade when I was cast as Mary in a Christmas play. I loved her at that time without knowing why, but I was drawn to her for some reason. Looking back I realize I liked how you could open the Bible, go to Luke, and her story was there. Also, when I was a little girl and couldn’t sleep, my mom would come in and instead of telling me another story, she would pray the rosary with me.

I love the verse “Behind I am the handmaid of the Lord; let it be done unto me according to your word.” (Luke 1:38). I love how this verse shows her total trust and love of God which starts her story in the Bible. I try to live my life through the lens of this verse.

My brother went through confirmation two years before me, and told me that you were supposed to pick a patron saint to name yourself after. I thought this was the coolest thing ever and said smiling, “Mine will Mary.”

Two years later I picked another saint initially because my dad loves to have nicknames for me. One of my nicknames is an actual name because he feels I looked like that name more than an Angela. I wanted to make that name a part of my name so I couldn’t fight that nickname. I started to tell people my confirmation name and the story behind it. Someone I respect said that wasn’t the purest reason to choose a saint and I should reconsider my confirmation name. Then, I felt weird about the whole thing as well, and it was a couple weeks before the the confirmation. I looked around and thought, “I can and need to change my confirmation name, but what would it be?” Hearing a small voice say, “Remember what you said to your brother two years ago.” I knew what needed to be done and who it would be. Changing my confirmation name to Mary felt right because she wanted it and I loved her. Saints can stalk you, and she had been stalking me my whole life, but the story doesn’t end there.

Just because I loved her at that time in the Announcion didn’t mean I loved her in her all apparitions. I went to college with an almost hatred of these because they were not my Mary. She worked on my heart threw college and she was victorious. I have learned that yes, I don’t like every apparition of Mary; yes, they are hard to live by; and no, I don’t have to love every one of them. Most of all, just because I don’t love all of them it doesn’t make me any less devoted to her and she’s ok with that.
In college, I would do this affirmation thing with a group of friends where someone would call two to three people into the middle of a circle with the rest of us with our backs to the center. The person in charge of it would say something like, “Tap the sister who is a good example of patience.” Every time when the person would say, “Tap the sister that most reminds you of Mary,” I would think, “Ooooh I want that but probably won’t get it.” Then I would feel at least one tap, which would make me feel good. Mary was and is still modeling me into her.

I love her and praying sometimes I pretend she’s there and put my head in her lap. If I need to feel her protection, I pretend she is putting her mantle around me and hug it close resting in her protection. Or if I’m happy wanting to dance, I put some music on, and we dance. I guess what I’m trying to say is much like Jesus wants to be your personal and unique Savior, Mary wants to be your personal and unique mother. She is gentle like her Son not forcing it on you. Since that’s why Jesus gave her to us, we are supposed to “take her into our home” (John 19:27) like John did after the crucifixion.